Waning Crescent Moon in Cancer

I was raised to believe in sin. That committing a sin would separate me from God and God’s love. Sin makes me unclean and unworthy of love. I was bad if I was not void of sin. Maybe those exact words were not spoken to me but as a child that is how I perceived it. Hard thing to deal with as a child when you are learning about yourself. Exploring life to figure out what it is that I like and don’t like and the kind of person I wanted to become. What kind of person is without sin? I did not know any, every person around me were sinning on some level (drinking, boozing, cursing, fighting, lying and cheating). But they believed in church, the bible, and God; some even went to church most, if not every, Sunday. This was my foundation and I didn’t question it because I was told to question God was a sin. Was it questioning God to ask for clarification on something I was trying to understand and grasp as a child. “You don’t question God’s word, Latavia. Just believe and have faith, follow the commandments and you will see the glory of the Kingdom of Heaven.” How easy was it for a child, especially a curious one, not to question things that they did not understand? Too easy, right? NOT. So as I got older, my questions remained and I went out to find the answers. And struggled with my “sinful ways” along the way. My thoughts, feelings, and desires when it came to things I liked, things that brought me pleasure, things I read in the bible that brought on questions; contradictions. My fear of God; that is fear of punishment from God, conflicting with my desire and need to know more. This was my foundation, this is how I was taught to be, think and feel. Fearful. Confused. Conflicted.
My confusion and conflicting way of being increased when I got to college. I took a religious studies class. I learned about the beliefs of different religions and cultures. I started to identify with the beliefs of other religious modalities and started to question mines more. More confusion and conflict impounded my thoughts and feelings. Am I sinning? Will I feel the wrath of God’s anger? Will I go to firey pits of hell? Maybe I should just stop seeking answers before I get struck down to hell by God right were I stand. Fear. So much fear. Curiosity won out in the end, my search for answers continued. I went to many different houses of worship for many different religions and of many of the same religion. So as I am seeking and learning I’m questioning, what do I believe. Who am I and what kind of person do I want to be? For years I was questioning. For years I felt little connection or better yet, commitment to any one religious system. I was lost. I felt lost. I pray to God to help me find who I am, who I am suppose to be. Help me God to find my purpose. My stability. My foundation.
My answer was love. Love is my stability and my foundation. The common thread I found in every connection I had with the various teachings on God I learned was Love. I didn’t fully understand Love. Love is massive, universal and transcending. Love is all encompassing. How can I build a foundation with something I don’t know and where do even begin to understand it? I went to God again, I asked and my answer was to read everything I could on Love, look within for an understanding of what those readings on love meant to me. How does it resonate within? That is how I learn Love and build my foundation. I started to create a new foundation built on what I believed in; what I was grounded in. Everyday, one stone at time, I am building and strengthening my foundation. A foundation grounded in Love built with Love and strengthened by faith.
I realize now that my original foundation was built on unstable ground. That foundation was built on fear and depended on fear to keep it standing. It was bound to fall once I let go of fear and fully embraced Love. It was bound to crumble once I let go of fear and held on to faith. I have the power to create my own foundation. A foundation that is build on strong ground; my Love, my faith, my beliefs. I believe in God. I believe that God, above all else, is Love. Anything created from Love for Love is fortified by the strength of God and will not fail and will not fall.
Everything that is of God is without conflict, confusion, fear and destruction. If you are feeling these things ask yourself what is it that you believe that is causing the conflict, fear, confusion, or disruption in your life? What is it about what you believe that is causing you to struggle with Love; loving yourself and loving others? Use your power that God has given you to create a new foundation built on strong ground. No foundation can survive being built on unstable ground or in unstable conditions.

–Love, Light, and Healing,
Latavia